Nuoc Mia VS Nuoc Mam: Man Juice / Female Juice?

Food preferences in Vietnam have somehow presented me with a conundrum about my sexuality. Based on the idea that you are what you eat. Which I always just assumed made me a c u next tuesday.  

In Vietnamese 'nuoc mia' means sugar cane juice, while 'nuoc mam' refers to fish sauce. The former has an uncanny semblance (taste-wise) to man's milk. The latter, well, it's unmistakably briny. Surely you can finger out the connection there. What is strange is that I both like and dislike each  in equal ways. What a nonsensical sentence. Having written that, I can hear the words of a great Australian politician bellow in my mind, beseeching me to: "please explain". 

My first try of 'nuoc mia' left me in a "god I have to swallow this" situation where I had to majorly suppress an already overactive gag reflex. A long time ago, semen was on the menu for me, although I never actually ordered it for consumption. It just seemed to leak into my diet from time to time. Despite my best efforts to deter, spit, or wipe it from existence, I'd accidentally take a 'chug from the stud' on occasion. Needless to say, I don't lika the stuff. Let alone licka the stuff.  Drink a fresh off-the-vendor 'nuoc mia' and perhaps you will know what I mean when I say it reinforces my lesbionic tendencies. HOWEVER, add a touch of cumquat (LOVE THIS WORD) and it changes the whole flavour. I could drink 'nuoc mia ala cumquat' all summer. Speaking of cumquat, I wonder what the other fruits think of it - do they feel threatened or repulsed by their fellow fruit. I think of a twat when I think cumquat. Possibly because of the slight rhyme. Hmm, fruit for thought. Also, on that thought sequence, perhaps I can only enjoy the spermy flavour of 'nuoc' mia' when it has been corrupted by the fruit twat. So I'm back to being confused. 

Now onto the subject of fish sauce. Just reading it aloud makes me giggle and I've been living here for over 4 years. I like light fish sauces - the pure liquid ones, not the 'nam' which has all the gross bits swilling around in it.  This is the problem with 'nuoc mam' - I know the production stages. So while I've drawn comparisons to it before in a gourmet context, 

calling it the "olive oil" of the East, I'd be hard-pressed to dress my every meal with it.

One sentence will sum it up: Quasi-fermented fish. Just think of tiny fish - the vermin of the sea - fermenting in barrels in the sun. Want to vomit? Yes. I once dumped a girl in Malaysia who was eating too much sambal or belacan with her meals. Both sauces are made with fermented shrimp. I told her "cut down or I ain't going down". She chose the sauce, so I guess my tongue prowess is not as good as I claim - but now I digress. The point is, I'm about as equally repulsed by the pungent 'nuoc mam' as I am by a cup of cold 'nuoc mia'. What does that mean for me on a personal level?

 If we really are what we eat, than maybe I should start seeking out hermaphrodites: "Alleged  lesbian seeks fruit with a twat".