Kyoto: No memoir from the Gaysha

I was meandering down Shirakawa canal in Gion - a picturesque street lined with willows and spring blossom trees - when I saw a woman in a grey kimono scuttling hurriedly along. Her face was the porcelain-painted pale of a Geisha. Her hair in a doll-like hive. And she was petite in every way possible. Was she the real deal though? Hundreds of tourist Japanese dress up like Geisha or Maiko (apprentice Geisha) everyday in Kyoto's famous suburb, Gion. I assumed by the urgency of her walking pace and serious demeanour that she was indeed an authentic Geisha. I managed to snap a photo of her from behind. Tempting as it was to race down the street and ask the very question that I really wanted to ask (which was "do any of you girls get it on with each other - like 'Gaysha'?"), I'd read that it was frowned upon to interfere with a working Geisha. I didn't want to behave like a complete twat (which is quite rare really) so I thought I'd save the question for later with a Kyoto local.

At around 6:30 pm my ameless self entered into an Izakaya on Pontocho alleyway overlooking the river. Greetings were made. A stool at the bar offered. I parked my arse and promptly ordered an umeshu and a serving of yakitori. The grill was right in front of the bar, or rather the bar/grill area was open. It was obviously a family-run business with mamasan running the cashier, son cooking on the BBQ, daughter serving the drinks and papasan manning the bevvies. I struck up a conversation with the kind-wrinkled papasan whose English was quite impressive.

EXTRACT OF CONVERSATION WITH PAPASAN

A: So how long have you lived in Gion?
P: Since I was born. My ancestors are from Kyoto.
A: Groovy. Have you got have any Geisha in your family?
P: No.
A: Like, not ever? Maybe your great Grandmamasan was Geisha?
P: No, no no (chuckling).
A: Have you met one?
P: Sure. But it is only through invitation you know. I sometimes get invited by a friend who is an important client.
A: I see. An important client. I want to be an important client for the Gaysha. You know, a gay Geisha.
P: I'm sorry?
A: Gay Geisha. GAA-AY, sher. Or a Minge-eating Maiko. I'll take that.
P is silent.
A: Seriously Papasan some of those Geisha have got to be lesbian. I bet they entertain each other all the time. Rub lotion on each other. Hide special instruments under their Kimono. Although the foot fetish thing might be going a bit far...
P: You mean Geisha that like other Geisha romantically?
A: Yes Papasan. They are tongue-tied so to speak.
More silence. Then after a spill P suddenly lets out a ripper of a laugh. He is roaring. Can't contain himself. This continues long enough for me to polish off my two skewers of yakitori and glass of umeshu.
P: Now that I think about it, yes, I think most Geisha have lesbian experience.
A: Like Kanako Otsuji.
P: You know about her?
A: We are les-be-friends.
P: Really?
A: No. She wouldn't let me come on to her face...book. Anyway, Papasan, can you help me? Find the Gaysha?
P: Oh rezzie. You dream too big the lainbow.

EXTRACT ENDS



Needless to say I didn't meet any bonafide Geisha during my stint in Gion. I barely saw one on the street, let alone have time to finger out whether or not they have 'tendencies' [sidebar - the word tendencies always brings the image of tentacles to mind for some reason. Must be some perverted association I have with octopussy] Luckily Kyoto has more to offer than just Geisha. Dripping in charm, this capital of ye olde is also known for its temples and cuisine. But I'll get zen in the next entry. And sooner rather than later this time.